you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
