So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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