I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
