There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
