Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
