There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
