Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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