she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
