we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
