The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize