and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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