My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
