I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
