I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Pooping to opera.
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