butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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