just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
