Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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