so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
