I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
