No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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