living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
