You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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