Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
