we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
