im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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