i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
