So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
