if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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