I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The uberlube is also flammable
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
