I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
