I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
