I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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