If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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