Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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