the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
