weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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