dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
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It's never too late to be topless.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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