I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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