so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
