i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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