oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
