for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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