i don't like sucking hair
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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