Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
