It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
