I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
