I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
