It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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