that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
