I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
