Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you win again, gameday.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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