Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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