guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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