dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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