So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
