I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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