break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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