Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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