Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
