ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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