She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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