You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
