I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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