he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
