After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
