Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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