i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
