At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
