I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
