So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
false alarm, still single
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
