you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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