we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please don't give away my fajitas
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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