my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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